“St. Francis, Rockstar!” A total flop, written and directed poorly by Lloyd Weber Andrews

Budding artists are always looking to make their mark in college, but Lloyd Weber Andrews, senior music theatre major, missed his mark completely with “St. Francis, Rockstar,” a new rock musical produced by Viterbo’s Theatre Conservatory. The show premiered yesterday before a select audience. Attendance was tough to measure, however, because many theatregoers left before the end of act one. 

“You would be one daft duck to consider that art,” said Susan Solomon, season ticket holder, “Andrews will never work in this town again, never.” Another to leave in a rush was Jack Thorsen, second-year religious studies major, who told the Lemon, “It all just seemed in poor taste. I like the story of St. Francis, usually, but not with tight pants, low-budget light shows, and put to 90s grunge music.” 

The show follows the story of young Francis, long before he was a sainted, who is the son of a wealthy merchant and leading a life of sin. Oh, and he is also the lead singer of Assisi’s no.1 rock band, “Bowling for Eucharist,” which is set to play its biggest gig yet at a concert, held in their honor, called “Franny Fest.” Meanwhile, the town has been afflicted by a terrible plague and, SPOILER ALERT: Francis forfeits his concert and stardom to aid the lepers. 

After two years writing and composing the libretto, followed by a three-month long rehearsal process, the rotten reaction to his show has cut Andrews deep. “I was just trying to make Francis cool and relatable to our generation.” Andrews said, “My show ‘St. Francis, Rockstar,’ is a rock sensation and a radically relatable… it’s your classic rags to riches tale, man… wait, I think I meant that in reverse.” 

“I just didn’t get it…” stated second-year music theatre major, April Showers. “Maybe if I read the book it was based on, I would know who that Jesus character was… he seemed, like, pretty important to Francis.” Showers went on to state a valid concern she had with the show; she stated, “It expects you to, like, know a lot of stuff before you see it.” 

After opening night ending in total utter disaster, show backers are scrambling to fill seats for the final two scheduled performances. May Flowers, show backer, associate professor of ethics, offered an interesting solution to this dilemma. “I will make the show a requirement for my VUSM students,” Flowers stated, off-record, “students will have to buy tickets if attendance is mandatory!” It is likely the other backers, who are professors, will follow in his example. The Lemon will continue to follow this story as it deteriorates.