On Friday, March 16, 2025, La Crosse, Wisconsin, hit a record high of 78 degrees. College students brought out lounge chairs and went to patio restaurants to soak up the sun and enjoy the nice weather with their friends St. Patrick’s Day weekend. The Midwesterners were oblivious to the fact that the next day would bring absolute despair. Dropping nearly 30degrees, wind made the once joyful city a mere 28 degrees less than 24 hours later.
Early last month, the U.S. celebrated one of its biggest national holidays, Groundhog Day. Thousands gathered in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, to watch the reveal of the fate of weather for the next two months. National celebrity groundhog “Punxsutawney Phil” was believed to have seen his shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter; but the weather patterns have not nearly aligned similarly with his judgement. Midwesterners are growing confused and angry with his statement; was this all a hoax? Is he teasing us? Can this gentleman control the weather? As he crawled back into his tiny home, an uprising began.
Large protests have sprung across the state of Wisconsin accusing Phil of fraud and the illegal spread of misinformation within a higher position of power. If found guilty, Phil could be charged a minimum of $10,000 and life in prison with no parole. Over 30,000 Wisconsinites traveled hundreds of miles to Punxsutawney to wake the sleeping celebrity and demand answers.
A local university professor Angie Frizzle argues, “There is no way this guy can be innocent. I mean, he has the ability to predict weather and his claims are never correct. It’s about time we do something about it.” Ms. Frizzle took to the streets last week with a sign stating, “We have had our PHIL of misinformation!”
While protests roared in Pennsylvania, Phil’s lawyers scrambled to come up with a defense claim. His lawyers claim that “Phil has not misinformed the public and always proceeds truthfully. His position is in serious jeopardy, and we are taking this as seriously as the situation is.”
Phil has awoken from hibernation and has been detained until further notice.
